Is This Even Possible?

I had a wonderful conversation with one of my best friends this morning and although the topic itself was downtrending, the overall tone was upbuilding. Everyday she and I discuss what a monotonous hamster wheel being with toddlers all day can be. In both of our circumstances, we have one older toddler and one younger toddler. One naps and one doesn’t, which requires the non-napping toddler to hang out and wait around till the napping toddler calms down, sleeps, wakes, eats, …. only to start the process over again. In both of our circumstances, its like a 4 hour window taken out of the day. It’s probably worst thing for a mother to admit that boredom sets in. Who wants to admit that they are bored with their own children? Bad moms? Good moms? Mediocre moms? Well the answer is NO moms. No mom wants to admit that. But the reality is just that. After a while you start to wonder, “where’s the fulfilling bliss that I see othermoms experiencing? No one tells you when you have a baby that after about nine months you get a case of “what did i do” and “where did my life go”. No one tells you it’s normal and no one tells you that its OK to be bored out of your mind with your kids.

When I worked secularly, there were MANY times in a day that I hated my job. I was either bored, not content, unfulfilled, annoyed with the pay or all of these things at once. The only difference between being bored of that job and being bored of this job is that it is socially acceptable to want a change from a secular job. It’s taboo in our society to want something more when you become a mother. Thankfully, we have mouthy, outspoken, swarthy fearless people like myself to keep it real.

Later in our conversation we were talking about things to do in the winter months that would keep our kids occupied and she mentioned an indoor place called “Kid Adventures” or something like that. The name of it doesn’t matter because they’re all the same. A giant breeding ground for germy boogery kids that I’ve previously written about, along with overpriced microwaved pizza and shall I even get into the temper tantrum that takes place because naps may be skipped? I told her, “good luck with that”. In my mind she’s the mother of the year because she literally looks for things like that to do with her toddlers, and I just could not care less. My daughter is afraid of giant slides and my son enjoys beating his head into the floor if he doesn’t get his way and I could do that at home for free.

Shall we even get into the lovely ride in the car on the way to this seemingly enjoyable time? The car seat tantrums, the food throwing, the ipads being dropped and as I am driving I have to constantly turn around to see whats going on. If I am not turning around I am screaming like a raving lunatic trying to swat at whatever kid I can reach hoping that I don’t swerve into oncoming traffic, or….worse..hoping I do. Then after that, it’s a diaper change one kid in the car before we go in, and a quick pee-pee for the other in our portable potty because the bathrooms are gross. By then they’re hungry because I’ve eaten their string cheese snacks on the way there because I forgot to eat, and we can’t have a mommy meltdown in front of other blissful mommies at the kiddie park. Doesn’t that sound like FUN!!?

Raise your hand if you’re bored out of your mind with PBS shows and crayons and tantrums. How frustrating is it that a toddler has two modes, SLOW and STOP. Realistically, we love and adore our children and would give our lives for them. I personally am not the type to feel fulfilled by being “Mommy247”. It just isn’t my style. I know each stage has it’s challenges and I know one day I will miss the adventures of toddlerhood. I hope I miss it. I don’t really know that I will. I do know that the reality is that it’s hard and that blissful bullcrap about “I just LOVE being a mommy ALL THE TIME” is what makes so many moms feel like they’re doing something wrong. “If I don’t feel like I love it all the time, am I a bad mom?” Here’s my answer. No. YOU are a great mom. There’s nothing wrong with YOU. It’s the momsters. The mompetitors. The perfectionists. The ones that you are comparing yourself to, and the ones that wish they could keep it real. YOU are doing great.

Do I feel guilty for looking forward to kindergarten? Nope. My pre-schooler is ready. She’s ready to fly, ready to learn more than I can teach her, ready to make friendships and form memories with other little cuties. Many moms feel like they want to keep their tots home as long as they can, and that’s great if it works for them. But then they feel guilty for not enjoying the time they have because they will not get it back. It’s a constant emotional tug-of-war. One day you love it, and the next you hate it. One day you wonder how these monsters came from you, and the next you’re reminded that you too were once a little monster.

So for now, let’s be bored together. Let’s grab that remote and turn on Disney Jr. for the millionth time today, even though it is only 8 am. Let’s admit the very thought of packing up the kids to go somewhere for an hour where they will be bored there too makes us nauseas. Let’s admit that sometimes we miss our pre-baby lives. Mothers, as an organization should form some kind of alliance rather than constantly making each other feel so inadequate. Read the news….THOSE are bad moms. As I sit and write this, my younger toddler is asleep right on schedule (yes, that’s how I roll) and my other toddler is in her room laying down and reading (ok, you got me..she’s watching cartoons on my Ipad). But it gives me time to admit that my morning royally sucked and I said “hey little monsters guess what! Mommy needs a break to drink tea, wear her grandma slippers, turn on 90s music and close the curtains.”

You’re welcome.

Love,
Renee

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